It’s not as omnipresent as when I have a breakdown, nor does it really affect my behavior so it shouldn’t lead to hospitalization.

But still I have had these thoughts of being somehow special, having more power than I know about.

I also believe in a hidden order of governance, masked by a matrix of media obfuscation.

Age, as I mentioned in a previous blog that I deleted is also a factor, being in line with traditions that the elders have the say. I have been fancying the thought that there is an initiation when you reach a certain age.

But there is the negative stuff too, like I am some sort of international joke.

It definitely makes my thought process more interesting in any case, to be positive. I hate it when my mind goes blank, I really enjoy thinking.

I wouldn’t want to take more drugs and totally numb my brain, I hope I can deal with all this.