The Human Species

Humans better not be a bunch of massive sadists. I am worried my end will be terrible and at the hand of a sadistic species, I have temporarily lost my good-natured faith in people.

I am frightened enough to kill myself. Though I have decided against it for now.

It’s not like I don’t have enough evidence to back this up.

Any thoughts?

ACAB

I know I wrote I don’t believe this to be the case, but I am finding it more and more difficult to support the police in any way, even if small.

The protesters in the United States in the wake of George Floyd’s death at the hands of Derek Chauvin have left me siding with the people rising up.

If you are a good cop, turn in your badge, because your president is a proto-fascist!

Don’t be an instrument of evil.

I call on soldiers of the U.S. to disobey orders if you know they are Unamerican! Such as shooting at protesters!

The same goes for Canadian personnel trained in such manners!

The Volatility Of My Disease

I feel like it is too dangerous to give me any kind of real stage so that I can be a part of mass media collage.

What if I have a breakdown? Also I am pretty much a real life madman.

It’s a stupid situation since I do want to be successful, admittedly everything I create might just be unappealing as well. In any case I poured my heart into my writing and photography and I haven’t really gotten any response from outside my circles.

It’s suspicious.

It’s becoming difficult to create anything, since it seems to be a dead end as a financial aspiration. If I were to just do therapeutic art I’d probably just sketch at this point, in fact, I think I’ll do that after I publish this.

I don’t want to live just to fight to see the next day anymore, when I am so tired.

I’ll hang on for those that love me though. I admit that is hardly a healthy mental state, I’ll continue drugging myself with caffeine, that does lift my spirits.

I’m allowed to be sad.

Darkest Paranoia Lately

I feel like Calgary is actually a “humane” extermination facility made by the Nazi administration, humane because we still have some minor property but ultimately are doomed to being weeded out from the gene-pool, also humane because the fake media we are being fed makes us think people can be good and the Nazis lost (I often think this). I cite the mass genocides as evidence that homo-sapiens are in fact an evil species capable of such things, also the Calgary Tower is a smokestack (in the style of the extermination camps) with a pretty thingy on top of it, it is the representation of victory over the so called “untermenschen”.

Having said something like this, I’d like to reaffirm it is just a “crazy” thought and I am not confident about it. People are fairly nice to me, but under Marxist analysis I am nothing but a slave with fancy pieces of paper and now numbers in a computer, since the “masters” have the ability to print money and I don’t, or barely any democratic mechanism in how I have access to the way the world works. I am below the poverty line for fuck sakes, why would I want to have children if they are just going to wind up poor like me?!?!? Hence, humane extermination facility.