The Volatility Of My Disease

I feel like it is too dangerous to give me any kind of real stage so that I can be a part of mass media collage.

What if I have a breakdown? Also I am pretty much a real life madman.

It’s a stupid situation since I do want to be successful, admittedly everything I create might just be unappealing as well. In any case I poured my heart into my writing and photography and I haven’t really gotten any response from outside my circles.

It’s suspicious.

It’s becoming difficult to create anything, since it seems to be a dead end as a financial aspiration. If I were to just do therapeutic art I’d probably just sketch at this point, in fact, I think I’ll do that after I publish this.

I don’t want to live just to fight to see the next day anymore, when I am so tired.

I’ll hang on for those that love me though. I admit that is hardly a healthy mental state, I’ll continue drugging myself with caffeine, that does lift my spirits.

I’m allowed to be sad.

Darkest Paranoia Lately

I feel like Calgary is actually a “humane” extermination facility made by the Nazi administration, humane because we still have some minor property but ultimately are doomed to being weeded out from the gene-pool, also humane because the fake media we are being fed makes us think people can be good and the Nazis lost (I often think this). I cite the mass genocides as evidence that homo-sapiens are in fact an evil species capable of such things, also the Calgary Tower is a smokestack (in the style of the extermination camps) with a pretty thingy on top of it, it is the representation of victory over the so called “untermenschen”.

Having said something like this, I’d like to reaffirm it is just a “crazy” thought and I am not confident about it. People are fairly nice to me, but under Marxist analysis I am nothing but a slave with fancy pieces of paper and now numbers in a computer, since the “masters” have the ability to print money and I don’t, or barely any democratic mechanism in how I have access to the way the world works. I am below the poverty line for fuck sakes, why would I want to have children if they are just going to wind up poor like me?!?!? Hence, humane extermination facility.