Current Mood

The media obfuscation matrix, since I could design one, it is doable.

It *might* just require a lot of work.

But ultimately totally doable.

You could even target one person or a handful of people if you have enough control to prevent random encounters with people outside the conspiracy.

Why?

I dunno, like VIP protection kinda thing. Blind the pharaoh’s eyes. I am not sure. Just a malicious social science experiment?

Practical uses for people who are nice, would be to blind sensitive people to the world at large who might have severe reactions including suicide.

The Human Species

Humans better not be a bunch of massive sadists. I am worried my end will be terrible and at the hand of a sadistic species, I have temporarily lost my good-natured faith in people.

I am frightened enough to kill myself. Though I have decided against it for now.

It’s not like I don’t have enough evidence to back this up.

Any thoughts?

ACAB

I know I wrote I don’t believe this to be the case, but I am finding it more and more difficult to support the police in any way, even if small.

The protesters in the United States in the wake of George Floyd’s death at the hands of Derek Chauvin have left me siding with the people rising up.

If you are a good cop, turn in your badge, because your president is a proto-fascist!

Don’t be an instrument of evil.

I call on soldiers of the U.S. to disobey orders if you know they are Unamerican! Such as shooting at protesters!

The same goes for Canadian personnel trained in such manners!

The Volatility Of My Disease

I feel like it is too dangerous to give me any kind of real stage so that I can be a part of mass media collage.

What if I have a breakdown? Also I am pretty much a real life madman.

It’s a stupid situation since I do want to be successful, admittedly everything I create might just be unappealing as well. In any case I poured my heart into my writing and photography and I haven’t really gotten any response from outside my circles.

It’s suspicious.

It’s becoming difficult to create anything, since it seems to be a dead end as a financial aspiration. If I were to just do therapeutic art I’d probably just sketch at this point, in fact, I think I’ll do that after I publish this.

I don’t want to live just to fight to see the next day anymore, when I am so tired.

I’ll hang on for those that love me though. I admit that is hardly a healthy mental state, I’ll continue drugging myself with caffeine, that does lift my spirits.

I’m allowed to be sad.